I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
