I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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