she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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