that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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