the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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