Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
