it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
