man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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