I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't turn off my feet"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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