Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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