i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
