The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
