dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
