Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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