If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
