i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize