Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
