I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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