Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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