My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize