Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
