This girl is more easily done than said...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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