Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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