so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
