Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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