there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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