fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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