my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I could fuck to npr.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
