Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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