I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
