Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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