Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
