I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
