Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
