We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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