Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
