We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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