I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
