if you like me you must not know who I am
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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