Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
