just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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