sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
