just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i've created a new STD.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
