I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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