Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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