im holly from the hills drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
