His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
