New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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