remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
