Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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