when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize