the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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