she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
