Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
