Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
