I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
