i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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