idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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