i already hear my dad disowning me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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