i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
