also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk is not a location!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
