Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize