I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
