There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
