You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is Oprah even human
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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