Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
