Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize