Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
