i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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