I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
